God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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