Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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