Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
