Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
