one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I could fuck to npr.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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