guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
