i would punch a child for taco bell
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
