I wish I only lived at night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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