Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
