Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
