I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
