I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
