just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
