I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
