It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
