seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
