yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
