Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
