I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
