Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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