I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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