that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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