my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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