it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
