sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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