I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want nice things and good sex
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
