question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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