I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
