You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
