Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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