i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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