I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
