dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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