Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
