xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
