As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
