It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
