It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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