I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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