he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
not ubering you a puppy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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