Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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