this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
