i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
