he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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