I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
