Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
