thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
