i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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