Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
