So drunk its hurt
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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