apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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