I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
COCAINE IS GR8
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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