Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
