I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
